After a Break-Up, 6 Steps to Coping Over the Holidays.

ONE.: Cut Yourself Some Slack

We were born to be real, not perfect! Experiencing sadness is a necessary part of the grieving process. Allowing yourself to experience what you are feeling is essential to healing. Don’t be down on yourself for having a good cry or avoid your difficult emotions. Burying negative emotions, distracting ourselves, or camouflaging our feelings leaves us burdened by their weight and invites them to resurface in dreams, in interactions with friends and family, in our work, and appear in other ways. Allowing yourself a good cry is being true to you and authenticity helps us to love ourselves.

TWO: Make Happy Plans Rather than Stressful Plans.

Make plans that you actually look forward to and surround yourself with caring and understanding people. The people we surround ourselves with affect our moods. Choose to spend quality time with those who love you for being you and who feel hopeful about the future. Get in touch with someone who makes you laugh.   Having negative, albeit well meaning, people emotionally involved in your break-up will leave you feeling worse and lonelier.

Three: Scratch the calendar as your source for what day it is.

Holidays are not defined by calendar days they are defined by you and include people, places, dates, and times that are meaningful for you and your family. If you and your children will not be together on a particular day celebrate with them on another date! Plan an activity that you enjoy ahead of time on the days your children are elsewhere. Try doing something different: Make the day special for you by doing something you enjoy. You know you deserve it. Something not on your usual list of things to do can jolt you into the present and into an adventurous state of mind. Another idea is to create a group event with friends you have not seen or to plan a few days visiting friends who live a distance away. Volunteering helps to put things into perspective. When the children come home, know that for them, as well as you, being together creates the magic, not the number printed on a calendar. Thankfully Santa understands modern families and of course visits children with two homes twice!

Four: Find the Silver Lining

Something positive always arises amidst the negative or in the transition to a new life stage following the negative. It takes courage to look past the negative toward the good that has been unearthed or created. After what you have been through, it has have already been established that you have courage and strength. Dig for silver. Digging and finding the good does not mean you are fooling yourself. To the contrary, you are changing your perspective just like all of the other strong survivors who came before you and who are right there alongside of you. Changing the way you look at tough situations to see the good that can emanate from them is a skill that will come in handy over your lifetime. As I so personally know.

FIVE: Balance and Beam.

Balance quiet time where you can rest and pamper yourself with fun times where you are out, socializing and having a more rowdy form of fun.

Six :Design Your 2017

What do you want your future to look like? What do you seek to accomplish next year? What new things do you look forward to trying? What do you want to get rid of? Kick your new year off in the right direction with authentic, empowering goals.

Don’t hesitate to get in touch!