Questions about divorce


What type of divorce service is divorce/custody coaching?

Some divorce cases proceed smoothly. Others become very hostile.  Regardless, all divorces are complex and have the potential to impact our futures in a negative way.  Divorce Coaching is one of the divorce services we provide to help clients navigate the legal and emotional processes of divorce, thus reducing stress and anxiety and thereby promoting beneficial outcomes.

First, Let’s start with what divorce coaching isn’t.

What divorce coaching is not.

Therapy  Coaching is not clinical in nature and does not involve therapy or counseling. It is not based on a medical diagnosis and no diagnosis is made. There is no assumption that a mental health problem exists and coaching does not involve delving into the past to look for root causes of problematic issues.

Legal Advice  Divorce Coaching does not include legal advice nor does it serve as a substitute for an attorney. Attorneys gather pertinent information and investigate the financial issues in order to settle the legal and financial part of the divorce in a way most favorable to the legal and financial interests of their client. Divorce services such as mediation and coaching are intended to supplement receiving advice from an attorney.

Divorce is a life altering change.

What Divorce Coaching Offers

The legal and financial matters in a divorce are intertwined with the emotional issues of divorce and the children’s issues in the divorce.

As opposed to giving legal advice, I offer Divorce Coaching to provide clients with the following:

A thinking partner throughout the divorce and custody process.

Assistance in prioritizing needs and goals.

Communication Strategies that serve the client’s needs.

Organization of data needed for litigation and decision making.

Support for a healthy life transition.

Awareness of the factors and stages of change.

Strategies to remain focused and calm,

Positioning to maintain your reputation and dignity.

A Map to use to assume an active role in a divorce.

Education about realistic expectations and available options.

Information and Preparation to make important decisions with confidence.

Guidance to clarify their thoughts, needs, priorities, and concerns.

Attorney-Client Strategies to communicate effectively and minimize costs.

 Building Personal and Professional Support Systems.

Motivation and encouragement to grow personally.

Empowerment to achieve a positive future.

Why did my lawyer recommend I obtain additional divorce services and hire a divorce coach?

By collaborating with a Divorce Coach, a family law attorney can significantly enhance their ability to be a cost effective problem solver.

Individuals approach family law attorneys seeking divorce services with a variety of needs, some legal in nature, some not.  Many divorcing individuals experience stress associated with the feeling of being “stuck” in a process that feels like it should have been done months before.  They are asked to make critical decisions about their life in general and their divorce in particular during periods of intense stress.  In some divorces, the parties have a significant amount of organizing to do.  Most often clients yearn for a thinking partner.

Divorce coaches help clients work with their feelings, identify goals and options, and craft strategies to move forward in achieving their goals.

A considerable amount of attorney’s fees can be eliminated when the client works with a coach to get organized for divorce, to learn how to work cost-effectively with their attorney, and to refrain from using their attorney’s time for purposes that could be more cost-effectively handled by an appropriate non-attorney.

By having a Divorce Coach to whom they can direct clients, attorneys serve clients in the following important ways.

  1. They provide clients with a more cost-effective professional who is specially trained to service their clients’ non-legal needs and concerns.
  2. They help their clients feel that their non-legal issues have been “heard.”
  3. They helps client know how to work most effectively and most cost-efficiently with their attorney.
  4. They helps clients identify their goals and the strategies to reach those goals.  These potentially include identifying actions or identifying issues or aspects of issues that the parties might be willing to agree upon or mediate.

A Divorce Coach is a qualified, ready resource that enables you to feel heard, get organized to work more effectively, and let your attorney focus more fully on the important legal aspects of your case.                

What type of divorce service is mediation and what are the benefits?

A mediator meets with the parties together and separately and encourages both parties to see the benefits of negotiating for their collective well-being.

Mediation is a forum in which a “win-win result” is possible

Mediation is a divorce service that helps partners develop a new way of communicating with each other to support post-divorce communications.

A mediator is a neutral and impartial third party that can assist both parties in negotiation.

Mediation empowers divorcing parties to reach their own mutually acceptable settlement of the issues in dispute. The mediator structures and facilitates the process by which the parties make their own decisions and determine their own outcomes, rather than leaving outcomes to third parties.

Every divorce and every family is different and needs to be evaluated individually. This is precisely the reason to seek a personalized approach to settlement through mediation.

What kinds of circumstances is family mediation typically used for?

Common Family Mediation Issues:

  • Separation and Divorce
  • Custody
  • Parenting/Grandparenting
  • Support
  • Post-Divorce Modifications
  • Co-habitation Agreements
  • Premarital Agreements
  • Elder Care Decisions
  • Probate-Estate Matters
  • Family Businesses
  • Gay or Lesbian Families
  • Parents and Teens
Do you accept credit cards?

We accept all debit and credit cards, as well as PayPal.

How many mediation sessions are necessary?

Every family and every divorce are different.  However, after many years in practice we have found that the 4 session Divorce Mediation Package and Custody Mediation Package are generally sufficient for the parties to come to an agreement that can be reduced to writing and provided to an attorney to review and file with the court.

The $3060 cost of the mediation is the total cost to both parties for the mediation.  The parties will need to pay their attorney to review and file their documents.

Can coaching or mediation help my children come out of divorce healthy?

Both Coaching and Mediation for Co-Parenting help both parents & children.

  1. Parents are supported in creating a parenting plan for structured and graduated steps toward co-parenting their children. The plan helps to contain anxiety and empower parents to create new co-parenting behavior patterns. This provides greater feelings of security for children.
  2. Parents learn positive behaviors to enhance productive communication about children with their former partner.
  3. Parents learn how to limit and redirect hostile comments or behaviors between former partners.
  4. Parents build new, positive strategies for engaging in child-centered dialogue with their ex that concentrates on current challenges related to children as well as problem solving.
  5. Parents learn simple co-parenting behaviors that show love and care toward their child when the child is with the other parent.
  6. All parents, partnered or not, disagree sometimes. Having two parents that get along, despite differences of opinion, is the critical ingredient for their child to thrive. The child and parents learn to normalize common forms of disagreement, tolerate their differences, and practice compromise.
  7. Parents are coached toward a shift in conversational tone between parents, away from the intensity provoked by conflict-ridden intimate relationships toward a business-like demeanor that is focused on the child’s needs.
  8. Parents learn to be mindfully adaptive to benefit children and maintain a cooperative co-parenting framework.
  9. The parenting coach remains a parental resource for unresolved disputes relating to logistical issues.
  10. Co-Parenting is by no means easy. In the best circumstances, tensions may still arise around the logistics of travel for visitation, scheduling, and finances. However, with the support of a detailed parenting plan, parents armed with healthy co-parenting skills will manage their differences and maintain a more collaborative approach to parenting their children.
How can a parenting coordinator help?

Parents in the process of separation or divorce or post-divorce can be referred by their attorneys, by a judge after a custody trial, by a custody evaluator, or can make an appointment with me directly. When parents are court ordered for parenting coordination, a court order, or consent order, specifies the scope of my role. When parents see me voluntarily, I decide with the parents, often with input from their attorneys, what my role will be in working with them.

As a Parenting Coordinator, and as a Collaborative Coach, I focus on helping clients make decisions together about their children, and in some cases, help them develop parenting plans and time sharing schedules that will work for everyone. Parenting plans can include agreements about holidays, summers, make-up time, and any other issues that are relevant to a particular family. Parents are able to review various models of time sharing with me, and have the opportunity to discuss the needs of their particular children. Parenting plans take into account the ages of the children, their temperaments, and the various needs of each parent and the family as a whole.

Parenting Coordinator