Typical CoParenting Issues Arising With Kids Ages 8 to 10.

Typical CoParenting Issues Arising With Kids Ages 8 to 10.

At this age, children are confronting changes going on both internally and externally. Parental separation and divorce can make this period more stressful.

Children between ages eight and ten are in the midst of experiencing new developmental challenges as well as being at the stage in their education where they are given more challenging school work.

There are more  school and community activities and sports available for them to participate in.  Friendships become more and more important to children around this time as their friends and peer relationships validate their sense of self worth.

Parenting plans involving children between the ages of 8 and 10 should support the child in maintaining an organized school, family, and social life. Transitions between parents' homes must be prompt and systematic so that the child can be organized and stay on top of their school work. A parenting plan must support the child's ability attend and perform well in school. 

Children Experience Loyalty Conflicts

Children between 8 and 10 are aware of their parent's emotions and will worry about a parent's sadness.  They worry about being disloyal to one parent through their relationship with their other parent. Feeling conflicted by their relationship wants and needs with each parent, they may feel pressured to make their relationship with each parent equal in their minds in terms of love, affection and time.

Children at this age are vigilant in looking for signs regarding the dynamics in the relationship between you and the other co parent. They will eavesdrop on conversations as a way of feeling more in control. They may even want to step into your adult conversations in order to experience that sense of control. Children need reassurance to maintain a sense of security.

It's not uncommon for a teacher of 8 to 10 year olds to notice that a child seems to have lost interest in school. It's important that at both homes children have a consistent place and schedule to do their homework. The extent to which these times and spaces mirror each other at both homes, the easier it is for the child to build healthy study and work habits.  The parenting plan should reference how both parents will keep the child organized and prepared for school.

Children between 8 and 10 are beginning to seek validation from their peers.

Children begin to develop autonomy through their reaching toward peers for validation. They will try to fit in. They might be embarrassed by it saying that their parent is divorced. Even though many children experience parental divorce, they may feel like they're the only one. For children this age, things that signal a difference from other kids are possible stresses.

Children between 8 and 10 have usually become more self scrutinizing. It is important for both parents to support them to maintain relationships with friends while living with each parent. This will counter some of that self scrutiny and contribute to them having higher self esteem.

Children between 8 and 10 have developed new abstract thinking skills. They may try to argue about the things that are not black and white, Parents can respond to arguments that are centered around things being unsettled or ambiguous by showing the normalcy in the shades of gray. 

Children this age may still fear being alone but not admit it and whether or not they're able to take care of their siblings is often a big issue at this time.