How many times have you heard the warning not to assume our partner can read our minds?  This tip is often proffered just after we have shared that we want something from the relationship that we are not getting. Asking for what we need increases the likelihood of having our needs met in the relationship.

Our needs being met is not the only goal of relationship. With our needs met we may still be lonely. This is especially true if we don't feel a connection with our partner that is strong enough to support healthy conflict.

If we seek deeper intimacy and connection in the relationship, we must be willing to face conflict with each other and in the relationship.

I want to share one extremely potent communication technique that couples can use to deepen their connection with each other and their ability to work through conflict.

Narrating Inner Experience

Narrating Inner Experience is a great technique for deepening understanding and intimacy in your relationship.

What is narrating...

After many years working with happy and unhappy couples, one element I have found in successful and enduring relationships is for both people to actually love their partner each day.

More than grand gestures.

More than a recitation of your continuing promise to always, always be there.

Love as an active verb.

Love as an act each day.

Every day.

Even when angry.

Even when busy.

Make the conscious choice to indeed love your partner.

What that looks like will depend on the context of that very day.

What is going on in their world today? In yours?

Be curious about their inner experience.

What might be capturing their thoughts and feelings today?

What is one small thing you could do that would be felt as an act of love on this day?

What is one small thing you can do to show:

I see you.

I care about you.

I'm excited to be with you.

We're in this together.

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