How many times have you heard the warning not to assume our partner can read our minds?  This tip is often proffered just after we have shared that we want something from the relationship that we are not getting. Asking for what we need increases the likelihood of having our needs met in the relationship.

Our needs being met is not the only goal of relationship. With our needs met we may still be lonely. This is especially true if we don't feel a connection with our partner that is strong enough to support healthy conflict.

If we seek deeper intimacy and connection in the relationship, we must be willing to face conflict with each other and in the relationship.

I want to share one extremely potent communication technique that couples can use to deepen their connection with each other and their ability to work through conflict.

Narrating Inner Experience

Narrating Inner Experience is a great technique for deepening understanding and intimacy in your relationship.

What is narrating...

I receive a slew of questions about personal boundaries. So, I decided to put together a few resources in the next few emails to answer the questions that I think many have but may not have the opportunity to have answered in a therapy or coaching session. 

Over the years, I have noticed that people share boundary issues in a way that suggests adopting a tough vibe. From there come the questions, “Would saying no to someone result in something terrible happening?” “Would it make someone swear me off as a friend?” “Will I be single forever?”

On an intellectual level we understand that setting boundaries reflects self-respect. To take that knowledge a step further, there is research that supports the idea that practicing setting personal boundaries builds self-esteem. The difficulty comes when it’s real life and our understanding is complicated by uncomfortable emotions.

Kristen shared,”I’ve always equated being a good friend and family member with doing whatever anyone asks ...

"It’s important to remember that ‘togetherness’ is both an objective experience and a psychological one.” Gregory Walton

Making sense of our feelings when we are experiencing loneliness is not easy. Mindfulness about what our feelings of loneliness are rooted in shifts the way we make sense of things. We realize that opening our minds to a new perspective on what we are experiencing can qualitatively change our sense of self, others, and the social situations in which we find ourselves.

Physically together and psychologically together are distinct things. You can be with others physically yet feel lonely. You can also be physically separated yet still feel connected. Even if you are each alone, you both know that you are in each other’s thoughts. That sense of connection is something we have the ability to cultivate intentionally. 

If you are feeling lonely, you certainly are not alone in that experience. With the pandemic raging across our country limiting our opportunities...