Love and connection are universal psychological needs.

The ability to express emotions surrounding these needs is one of the most important ingredients in healthy intimate relationships.

We must remind each other in the midst of our incredibly busy lives, as well as remind ourselves, that we need the visceral experience of really feeling love and connection. We want to feel it fill us.

Since the needs for love and connection are universal, it can be difficult to understand why asking for love and connection may be met with signs of bewilderment by your partner. Does your partner stop and ask you, even more, do you stop and ask yourself what you need, specifically, to actually feel loved and connected. The request for love and connection is a broad request for two complex and overarching needs.

Trina: 'Why do you go out to dinner with your brother and his girlfriend whenever I am out of town but never want to get together with them when I can come along as well?"

Tom:...

Do adults who experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma as children experience challenges in relationships related to their histories? 

It is not uncommon in therapy to encounter individuals with childhood traumas that  continue to impact their important relationships.

Trauma in itself does not inevitably lead to anxious attachment or anxiety in relationships. It is possible for children to experience trauma and other hardships, but because their caregivers are adequately protective in response to the dangers, they develop secure or relatively secure attachment behaviors.

But what about situations where parents or caregivers are not adequately loving, protective, and nurturing?

Do adults who experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma as children and who developed protective behaviors as children to remain safe, experience challenges in adult relationships related to their histories? 

Research shows that adults with negative childhood experiences such as abuse or neglect are...

Healthy relationships foster intimacy.  Care, validation, and understanding in relationships foster intimacy.  Intimacy in relationships fosters happiness and well-being and can shield against stress. 

Couple Therapy

When couples have increased conflict without closeness they may go to couple therapy where goals often include:

decreased labeling of one of two sides as the problem

increased flexibility in the relationship

enhanced adaptation to arising change

reduction of symptomatic behavior

enhanced tolerance of situations the couple can not change.

Individual Therapy for Trust Issues

Couples don't always have the luxury of working together. Also, the work of healing often begins with one party taking steps individually to increase their well-being. Working individually is also undertaken when one senses difficulties in one's relationships overall, including friend and other relative relationships, as well as when a relationship has already ended and the...

Your relationship is clearly the problem in your life right now. Everything would be fine if only you did not have to deal with these relationship issues. Actually, they are your partner's issues but they're getting in the way of your happy life. You told him or her you want to go to couple's therapy and they refuse to go. Now what?

I'm not saying you should give up on couple's therapy but I am saying you may be able to get help regarding the relationship, even if you go to therapy alone.

The problem's in a relationship are never just the product of one partner's behavior. It is valuable to look at both the substantive issues as well as the way you approach conflict individually and together. Knowing problems in a relationship are never solely caused by one partner, dig deeper to find out your role on the path to healing your heart.

Be true to you. You are not perfect but love yourself not just despite this but because of this. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Even if...