Boundaries.

We think about boundaries as the willingness to say "no".

You're asked to be the team mom for your son's highschool football team. Should you follow your first instinct and volunteer, "Yes! I've got it covered!" you will be expected to make lasagna for 75 JV football players. But wait.  Something else happens. After thinking "YES, Pick Me!" you hold your tongue and take a deep breath.  "But if I don't sign up now, someone else will take the job and be loved and admired by all the other moms!" Your still breathing, deeply through all of these thoughts.  Something clicks.

The voice inside asks: "What are you thinking? You have been getting food delivered most nights for your own family! You think that now that we're talking 75 JV Football Players and Lasagna something is going to change?"

You say, "Sorry, I can't."

You are proud of yourself for protecting your space, your boundaries. Your sanity.

Be proud of this demarcation.

Celebrate thinking of yourself...

I receive a slew of questions about personal boundaries. So, I decided to put together a few resources in the next few emails to answer the questions that I think many have but may not have the opportunity to have answered in a therapy or coaching session. 

Over the years, I have noticed that people share boundary issues in a way that suggests adopting a tough vibe. From there come the questions, “Would saying no to someone result in something terrible happening?” “Would it make someone swear me off as a friend?” “Will I be single forever?”

On an intellectual level we understand that setting boundaries reflects self-respect. To take that knowledge a step further, there is research that supports the idea that practicing setting personal boundaries builds self-esteem. The difficulty comes when it’s real life and our understanding is complicated by uncomfortable emotions.

Kristen shared,”I’ve always...