He is 26 now. She still sees him when he was 4, picking tomatoes as soon as they turned red in the garden.

Taking a big bite as if into an apple. The big smile that came afterward.

She started him early in first grade. She will come back to this, blame herself for wanting him busy. Was this the decision that snowballed into his later addiction? An unanswerable question she poses to herself weekly, sometimes daily.

She sees him jumping on the beige fabric sofa with the bleached wood frame at six. She had just come home with a new baby, a little sister. He was so excited and so he jumped and jumped. She tried calling to him to stop the jumping. Warning him he would be hurt. One morning she heard the jumping and then the thud. He had fallen.  He had been hurt. He broke a toe. His spirit remained intact.

Until it didn't. He became addicted to drugs. The glass sharp memories. Visiting him in "Juvy," then visiting  him in "county", then in the "state pen". He wasn't a bad kid....

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT CHILDREN'S WORDS SPOKEN OUT OF ANGER

A  note I received from a mom devastated by the news that her child said he wanted to live with his dad:

I am also very concerned that my son now wants to live with his dad. He hasn’t been very nice to me .......His dad won’t talk to me and I have given up trying. That would change everything. Each day just seems to be getting worse for me. 

We discuss this hurtful situation in Module 1 of the Enlightened CoParenting Course.

Here is an excerpt from the course:

When your child throws a temper tantrum, becomes angry, and blames you for ruining their life don’t take their behavior personally.

Realize that in many instances when children blame one parent or another for the divorce occurring their blaming is a way of coping and a defense against feeling overwhelmed by the many changes they are experiencing in the course of a short period.  It is often not meant against the parent...

As parents, there are a few things that we all want our children to feel…

...able

...worthy

...accepted

But for parents considering, going through, or who have already divorced, sometimes it feels that your family won’t be able to emerge happy and whole.  

As a psychologist and former family law attorney, I have spent two decades working with individuals and families to help them emerge from divorce with happiness and confidence.

And now I want to give away that knowledge inside this FREE guide:

Promoting Positive Self-Esteem In Children

Helping parents everywhere raise happy, healthy and confident children, in this guide you will discover:

How self-esteem plays a role in childhood 

How their self-esteem influences their choices and relationships later in life

A comprehensive strategy including 8 Steps you should take to help your child develop positive self-esteem

Examples of situations and...

I have been a divorce coach and family psychologist for over a decade.  Before that, I was a divorce lawyer. I have also gone through divorce myself.  As such, I have had a rather intimate view of what divorce entails. 

While I knew many of the effects and challenges of divorce and single parenting before I divorced, being divorced made these experiences real in a way that changed what they meant for me and brought to life many aspects that I could not have known as a divorce lawyer.

The divorce terrain is tumultuous. Knowledge of the divorce process is not enough to guide a client through divorce.  To guide someone through divorce, one must have empathy and creativity as well as being non-judgemental.  I prepare my clients both for what typically occurs and for some heart-pounding surprises. I also prepare them for the task of solving problems in new ways, leaving them with a valuable skill that they will utilize in many different contexts over their...