Did you grow up believing that anger is wrong?

Maybe your parents told you, "we don’t do anger in this house.” Maybe expressing that you were upset led to orders to calm down, stop being so dramatic or to cheer up. Or maybe you were ignored whenever you were acting in a way that suggested you were unhappy or frustrated. Maybe it is your partner who responds toward you in this way today.

Whether it’s explicitly stated or implied, inhibiting anger prevents us from having a healthy relationship with our emotions.

Growing up in an environment where certain emotions were not welcome limits our willingness to authentically experience all of our emotions. It creates feelings of shame that cause us to miss essential messages from our minds and bodies. 

It is critical to cultivate an understanding within yourself that all feelings are okay. There’s nothing wrong with worry, jealousy, or anger. To the contrary, the ability to experience all of our emotions is a...

We are also working on the premise that even though it's an extremely untapped or repressed capacity in most women, we were created subtly and energetically with unparalleled capacities for transmutation of what may be out of balance or toxic to us. This means that regardless of what we face in life, if we are empowered enough to really understand our inherent energetic capacities as women, we can ALWAYS transform a toxic experience into energy or resource that sustains and strengthens us. And I mean no matter how awful or toxic. Our capacities are unlimited.

Jumana Sophia

Placing the past in the past does not mean we should try to forget about our experiences. That kind of dissociation serves only to deny what we know to be true and causes us to lose trust in ourselves. 

When I refer to placing the past in the past, I am suggesting that we think of divorce as one part of life, but not our entire lives. It is one part of your experience. It is not who you are.

...

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT CHILDREN'S WORDS SPOKEN OUT OF ANGER

A  note I received from a mom devastated by the news that her child said he wanted to live with his dad:

I am also very concerned that my son now wants to live with his dad. He hasn’t been very nice to me .......His dad won’t talk to me and I have given up trying. That would change everything. Each day just seems to be getting worse for me. 

We discuss this hurtful situation in Module 1 of the Enlightened CoParenting Course.

Here is an excerpt from the course:

When your child throws a temper tantrum, becomes angry, and blames you for ruining their life don’t take their behavior personally.

Realize that in many instances when children blame one parent or another for the divorce occurring their blaming is a way of coping and a defense against feeling overwhelmed by the many changes they are experiencing in the course of a short period.  It is often not meant against the parent...