Co-parenting conflicts arise in conjunction with the developmental stage of the child. Knowing the issues that may arise as your child hits each developmental stage and careful advance planning can help you to set a foundation for avoiding those conflicts.

Each child is unique.

Each family is unique.

Despite being unique, the developmental stage of the child and the life cycle stage of the family will influence parenting and the relationship between coparents. 

In this article I will describe the issues that typically arise between coparents at the developmental stage of infancy,  the typical factors that are considered to resolve the conflict, as well as the factors that typically allow for deviation from generally accepted practices when negotiating conflicts about infants.

Examples of the relationship between the infant developmental stage and possible co-parenting conflicts:

• When is a one week on and one week off schedule okay for the child?
• How should nursing...

You just pulled an official looking manilla envelope from your mailbox, opened it and found your signed and sealed divorce decree.  "Is it really over?" you wonder.  The married part is but if you have children there is still work ahead.

Or, maybe, you were divorced six years . Everything went pretty smoothly until your oldest hit 15. Your coparent has completely different views on your child learning to drive, receiving a car, going to college on the opposite coast .....cooperative coparenting has become a mystery or a misery.

There is a minute chance that you and your coparent are each other's favorite person, although such coparent teams do exist. You don't have to adore each other to coparent in a way that is healthy for you and your kids.

The following quotes are drawn from my files of coparents with whom I worked. These are quotes from regular people who do not consider their coparent a great friend but do believe they have a healthy coparening relationship. I asked...

Coparenting research supports the tenet that coparenting influences the adjustment and well-being of  all members of the family both parents and children, and the parenting relationship.  

Coparenting refers to shared responsibilities in caring for a child. Approximately 50 percent of American children will see their parents' divorce or separate, and 16 percent of children live in a home with a step-parent, step-sibling, or half-sibling. Coparenting in these situations requires a great deal of cooperation, communication, and planning. It requires acting with intention and care in favor of the child's development.

CParenting involves three different systems:

• The co parent to co parent relationship, the parent to child relationship and our relationship with ourselves.

• Each of these elements are interconnected, they influence each other

Enlightened Coparenting
 

A coparenting approach that aims:
to improve the relationship between coparents,
to deepen the relationship between parents and children, and
to help parents begin the process of healing and improving their relationships with themselves.

Children don’t need perfect parents or perfect lives to be healthy.  The goal of Enlightened CoParenting is to work to maximize family and individual strengths while minimizing family and individual risks.

Dr. Jodi Peary

In Enlightened CoParenting the emphasis shifts from who is at fault for the dissolving of the marriage and toward the degree to which parents are able to minimize the risk factors associated with negative outcomes in children while maximizing protective factors.

Relationship Between Parents

Divorce is a complex process involving a chain of marital transitions, family reorganizations, altered roles and relationships, and different stages of individual adjustment. This makes coparenting...

One of the most important outcomes sought with Enlightened CoParenting is mental well-being for children.  When children face serious mental health issues, it is more important than ever for parents to collaborate to give their children the urgent and preventative mental health care.

Youth and young adult suicide is a serious health concern in the United States. More screening to prevent suicides is only one part of the solution.  More screening won't help without places to refer patients who seek help.

Pediatric emergency physician Samantha Rosman, MD, MPH, delegate for the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), said,

"We are in the midst of a massive pediatric mental health crisis in this country.

Rosman testified that at the state and national level we are in urgent need for policies to prioritize children's mental, emotional, and behavioral health and to advocate for a comprehensive system of care that includes prevention, management, and crisis care.

"While we agree...

Friends! It's time for a series. Time to dive into a topic in depth and share, discuss, learn, create and more about it.  You know my zone ....psychology, relationships, divorce recovery, self-love, emotional healing, transformation.  Throw your questions and topic ideas my way. I want to use this space intentionally and meaningfully. I seek to connect with you, my amazing reader. 

What's been on your mind?

What do you remember of the dream that woke you with a start?

What's the argument you keep having with yourself?

What is the beauty you want to know more of?

What are the connections you seek? 

I am over the moon at the prospect of learning where you want to go next!

Jodi

How do I stay strong for my kids during and after divorce?

As a psychologist who specializes in helping parents through divorce, I know deep down in my soul the extent to which watching your children experience divorce is painful and one of the most challenging areas of getting through divorce.

The thing about resilience in children is that divorce alone doesn't mean that children are going to have a difficult future or that they're not going to be emotionally unhealthy. It doesn't mean that at all. What is harmful to children is conflict between parents and feelings of stress and instability.  Those are areas we can draw our attention to and make a difference in order to support our children. The things that mean the most for our children's well-being are actually within our control. That is a good thing.

Taking steps to help our children also helps us to move forward.

Gabriella, a newly divorced mom of 4 said,  "I'll survive this, but what have I done to their...

Communication and negotiation with a nightmare of a coparent seems impossible. It's not! The science behind conflict resolution techniques will keep you calm, cool, courageous, and confident as you steer the healthy course for yourself and your children.

Lilly and Mark have an agreement where they share custody and alternate week-ends of their daughter Sally.  Mark is scheduled to have parenting time with Sally on an upcoming week-end beginning Friday. On Thursday evening, Mark calls Lilly to say that he has just been invited snowboarding and tells Lilly they will have to switch week-ends.  He will take Sally the next week-end and Lilly will keep Sally this weekend. Mark needs to know now that Lilly will alternate week-ends.

 Lilly has plans for this week-end and does not want to switch last minute.

 Mark remembers that in the mediator's office 6 months earlier, Lilly had said she would agree to alternate week-ends if conflicts came up. However,...

This may not be the kind of advice you want to hear, but I promise you, you and your children will recover from the trauma of divorce sooner if you can:

1. Validate their feelings.

2. Children perceive time differently from adults. Help Your Child Perceive the amount of time involved in terms that they can understand.

3. Schedule something positive to take place together after the visit.

4. Acknowledge the effort your child is making to do what he must do in this situation.

5. Make sure they know that they are not hurting you or betraying you by going to the visit and that you will be just fine.

6. Don't pry for information from them afterward.

7. When they do want to talk, be ready for them, listen attentively, and respond.