How do I stay strong for my kids during and after divorce?

As a psychologist who specializes in helping parents through divorce, I know deep down in my soul the extent to which watching your children experience divorce is painful and one of the most challenging areas of getting through divorce.

The thing about resilience in children is that divorce alone doesn't mean that children are going to have a difficult future or that they're not going to be emotionally unhealthy. It doesn't mean that at all. What is harmful to children is conflict between parents and feelings of stress and instability.  Those are areas we can draw our attention to and make a difference in order to support our children. The things that mean the most for our children's well-being are actually within our control. That is a good thing.

Taking steps to help our children also helps us to move forward.

Gabriella, a newly divorced mom of 4 said,  "I'll survive this, but what have I done to their life?"  We can cont...

Hey there. I'm excited to talk to you about inside-out and outside-in values and goals.

Our values and goals help anchor us into conflict free co-parenting and into being able to negotiate our parenting plan, as well as our differences. Co-parenting and figuring out coparenting in a way that's healthy for us and our kids is a huge goal. Obstacles are inevitable. One way to overcome obstacles is stay in touch with our values, particularly our intrinsic values. Pursuing internally rewarding, intrinsic goals, results in our ability to perform better and more persistently over time.

Our wellbeing is strongly influenced by the intrinsic values we have. Intrinsic values tap into our desire to grow and develop. Intrinsic values are freely chosen. We choose to act in line with the value rather than to act because another person expects us to. This choice gives the value so much power. Examples of intrinsic values include self-acceptance, authenticity and creativity.

Extrinsic values are follow...

Modern day family life is more complex than ever.

        Contemporary families are different in many profound ways from traditional families that existed decades ago.

Each family is unique and what works for one family is much less likely to work for another in our modern family structure. It is more important than ever for divorced parents to be able to work together cooperatively.

Families need customized solutions for their divorce and coparenting and to engage more creative problem solving to address the complex schedules, demands and problems parents and children face in these unprecedented times.

Employment

In most two parent families and, especially in coparent families, both parents work. That has become obvious but what is less realized or acted upon is that more parents have opportunities to work from home or have flexible schedules for at least part of the time. It is important to consider these options on the part of both parents and determine what will be truly a...