Rich and Amy had been married 8 years and experienced both joy and heartache together. Amy shared that the couple's ratio of joy to heartache had changed drastically, with joy diminishing considerably, if not entirely. 

"I don't know how long it has been since I felt like I love Rich; I know that sounds terrible but I feel like I am really starting to hate him. He's my husband and the father of my children and I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it."

As Amy shared more, I heard she had resentment over Rich's controlling behavior.

It had been just over two years since the couple had their second child and picked up and moved to Phoenix from Pittsburgh. Just two years ago Amy she and Rich had a life filled with hope for what their new life in a completely different world out west would be.

Once settled into their new home, the couple decided to have a third child. The timing was good for an addition to the family because Amy was to be taking a year or two off of work...

Shame typically involves being observed disapprovingly by others. Shame can hold us hostage to the unrealistic and hurtful standards of others.

Shame in a family, organization, or group involves the leaders openly criticizing another for a failure to live up to accepted norms or values.  Shame tells the one shamed that they are deserving of criticism and disapproval.

Shame is painful and terribly uncomfortable. It is a loud booming voice shouting to the world that the shamed person is inadequate, deficient, embarrassing, or unworthy. The powerful feeling of shame involves being drastically diminished, made smaller, and  lacking in dignity. Shame hits square in the face and unexpectedly.

While guilt focuses on the performance of an action, shame focuses on the self as a whole.

 Guilt refers to what I have done while shame refers to who I am.

A shame based person, family, organization, or relationship is necessarily rigid in order to self-perpetuate it's own rules.

The...