QUESTION:

Sally's Questions: Our family has a lot of trauma with divorce, broken promises and relationship issues. There are also abandonment issues. This involves my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members. Everyone has contributed to the trauma in some way.

 I want to move past the trauma and let go of this pain.

 I’m tired of letting the past weigh me down all the time. I’m tired of being controlled by what they did. I also feel unsafe. I worry all the time. I am scared to try new things or start relationships.

 How do I learn to let go of the family trauma?

Everyone keeps telling me I can’t heal without forgiveness. They’re convinced I have to forgive my family for the trauma. I feel like I have done this, but I won’t let certain family members back into my life.

Despite forgiveness, I still don’t trust them.

What can I do to balance forgiveness with trust?

ANSWER:

Sally, awareness is the...

Holidays are magical and heart warming.  However, if you have experienced trauma, that trauma may be triggered by it being either a particular holiday or holidays in general, as well as birthdays, anniversaries and other days we attach special significance to.

After a trauma, it’s normal to experience flashbacks, anxiety, and other uncomfortable symptoms. Grounding techniques help control these symptoms by turning attention away from thoughts, memories, or worries, and refocusing on the present moment.

In between practicing law and becoming a psychologist, I was blessed to have the opportunity to be a yoga teacher.  In that role, I learned some techniques that were really powerful for me. In my adult life, this was the time I needed them most. 

If today evokes past trauma or pain or anxiety for you, I hope you will give this grounding technique a try. If this doesn't work well, I have many more that I share with my patients and clients.

Know I am sending a lot...