Our authentic selves and our inner child are intertwined within us and form a powerful role in the subconscious part of our minds.

If you have been distanced from your authentic self or inner child, the wounds you carry may be deep but it is important to know that you can do the healing work to find your way home.

The deeper work of healing your inner child.

We all have an inner child.

As children, we have core needs  to be seen, to be heard, and to have the space to be and authentically express ourselves. If, as children, our needs were not met, we can be wounded and then grow to carry that wounding within ourselves. Much of the work that we do to heal our inner child is to heal the wounding that occurred as a result of unmet needs. However, the inner child is within us and calls to be recognized whether our childhood needs are met or unmet. The inner child has positive attributes as well as difficult attributes which call to be explored.

Inner child work involves...

Did you grow up believing that anger is wrong?

Maybe your parents told you, "we don’t do anger in this house.” Maybe expressing that you were upset led to orders to calm down, stop being so dramatic or to cheer up. Or maybe you were ignored whenever you were acting in a way that suggested you were unhappy or frustrated. Maybe it is your partner who responds toward you in this way today.

Whether it’s explicitly stated or implied, inhibiting anger prevents us from having a healthy relationship with our emotions.

Growing up in an environment where certain emotions were not welcome limits our willingness to authentically experience all of our emotions. It creates feelings of shame that cause us to miss essential messages from our minds and bodies. 

It is critical to cultivate an understanding within yourself that all feelings are okay. There’s nothing wrong with worry, jealousy, or anger. To the contrary, the ability to experience all of our emotions is a...

Narcissistic abuse often equates with emotional abuse. It is difficult to find support when one is being emotionally abused by a spouse or ex-spouse, which makes the abuse even more devastating and isolating.

Why is it so hard to find support for narcissistic abuse? I have written before about the shame we may feel as victims of narcissistic abuse which makes it extremely difficult to ask for help. But there is another insidious reason that even when we have the courage to reach out for help, we may not be heard, even by the people who we are closest to.  

When we finally muster up the courage to share our experiences with a friend or family member, we relay the more recent incidents of cruelty and abuse that we have experienced.   We share with friends or family members the examples of the mistreatment not yet suppressed, and they may think none of the incidents were a big deal.

The friend or family member considers just the one or two accounts of emotional abuse...

I have been a divorce coach and family psychologist for over a decade.  Before that, I was a divorce lawyer. I have also gone through divorce myself.  As such, I have had a rather intimate view of what divorce entails. 

While I knew many of the effects and challenges of divorce and single parenting before I divorced, being divorced made these experiences real in a way that changed what they meant for me and brought to life many aspects that I could not have known as a divorce lawyer.

The divorce terrain is tumultuous. Knowledge of the divorce process is not enough to guide a client through divorce.  To guide someone through divorce, one must have empathy and creativity as well as being non-judgemental.  I prepare my clients both for what typically occurs and for some heart-pounding surprises. I also prepare them for the task of solving problems in new ways, leaving them with a valuable skill that they will utilize in many different contexts over their...

Life transitions evoke intense emotions. This intensity of emotions can influence us to increase the pace with which we are living and the speed with which we believe we need to make decisions.

Living between the big stages or transitions, our pace for making choices reflects the quality of stability we feel in that period. Our pace is made up of a healthy rhythm of using both the rational and emotional sides of our brains.  The healthy rhythm is characterized by mindfulness and intention.

During major transitions, most of the different areas of our life are impacted. Divorce, beginning a new career, moving to a new part of the world, becoming a parent, all instances in which so many different aspects of our lives are impacted. These changes have different effects in the diverse areas of our lives.  We may experience vastly different emotions at once. This may feel exceedingly uncomfortable. It's normal to want to get out of the period of discomfort. If moving past the...