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How do I help my 8 Year old having meltdowns before visits with his dad?

This may not be the kind of advice you want to hear, but I promise you, you and your children will recover from the trauma of divorce sooner if you can:

1. Validate their feelings.

2. Children perceive time differently from adults. Help Your Child Perceive the amount of time involved in terms that they can understand.

3. Schedule something positive to take place together after the visit.

4. Acknowledge the effort your child is making to do what he must do in this situation.

5. Make sure they know that they are not hurting you or betraying you by going to the visit and that you will be just fine.

6. Don't pry for information from them afterward.

7. When they do want to talk, be ready for them, listen attentively, and respond.

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Consistency Between CoParent Homes Gives Children a Stable Foundation

 
This is the first in my series of  60 Simple Things You Can Do to Spare Your Children Harm From Divorce.  Consistency between coparent homes, like many of the items on this list that protect children, do so doubly because the items, here creating consistency between homes, also serves to minimize conflict between co-parents.
 
Consistency between coparents' homes provides a solid base for children of divorce to  grow and adjust. When there is consistency between homes, children can better predict the consequences for their choices and the parent's approval. To make adapting easier for children, you and the other parent can create consistent rules, bedtimes, homework processes, expectations regarding grades, and school standards, limits on technology, similar curfews between homes, rules about when a child can skip dance or soccer practice or other extracurricular activity, how many sleepovers each can have in a week etc..Make and stick to your list of rules regarding the
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