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The Hardest Question For My Therapy Clients to Answer

Sometimes it feels impossible to answer the question: "If I could live my life anyway I wanted, anywhere I wanted, with whomever I wanted, and do what I wanted what will my life look like?"

Visualizing your next leap into possibility is being willing to open at least one eye toward that which is both tantalizing and scary.  

One of the hardest questions for my clients to answer is  "What do you want?"

"What do you want?"

Seems like an easy peasy question. I guess if you are at In and Out trying to decide what to have for lunch from their limited menu of single, double, double double, it might be easy peasy. Even then, there are all the secret menu items and the FOMO that comes from not ordering the Flying Dutchman with the Animal Style french fries and whether it's really worthwhile to watch calories and not order the neopolitan shake.

In my psychology office when I ask, "What do you want?" the response I receive is often a stumped stare.

Not knowing what we want from...

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Consistency Between CoParent Homes Gives Children a Stable Foundation

This is the first in my series of  60 Simple Things You Can Do to Spare Your Children Harm From Divorce.  Consistency between coparent homes, like many of the items on this list that protect children, do so doubly because the items, here creating consistency between homes, also serves to minimize conflict between co-parents.
Consistency between coparents' homes provides a solid base for children of divorce to  grow and adjust. When there is consistency between homes, children can better predict the consequences for their choices and the parent's approval. To make adapting easier for children, you and the other parent can create consistent rules, bedtimes, homework processes, expectations regarding grades, and school standards, limits on technology, similar curfews between homes, rules about when a child can skip dance or soccer practice or other extracurricular activity, how many sleepovers each can have in a week etc..Make and stick to your...
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Adopting a New Decisionmaking Style During Major Life Transitions

Life transitions evoke intense emotions. This intensity of emotions can influence us to increase the pace with which we are living and the speed with which we believe we need to make decisions.

Living between the big stages or transitions, our pace for making choices reflects the quality of stability we feel in that period. Our pace is made up of a healthy rhythm of using both the rational and emotional sides of our brains.  The healthy rhythm is characterized by mindfulness and intention.

During major transitions, most of the different areas of our life are impacted. Divorce, beginning a new career, moving to a new part of the world, becoming a parent, all instances in which so many different aspects of our lives are impacted. These changes have different effects in the diverse areas of our lives.  We may experience vastly different emotions at once. This may feel exceedingly uncomfortable. It's normal to want to get out of the period of discomfort. If moving past the...

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