Tracing unhealthy relationship patterns to their source.

Natalie, both palms raised toward the ceiling, pleaded for an answer to her question,

"Why do I always to get into relationships with people who don't care about the relationship as much as I do?"

Johnathon shared,

"I am the giver in every relationship."

Johnathon's feelings of hopelessness shone in his grey blue eyes.

 Both Natalie and Johnathon grew up with parents who did not make them a priority.

Natalie

As a child, Natalie's father regularly returned home from work after she was already in bed. Natalie's mother suffered from depression and rarely left her bedroom to greet Natalie when she arrived home from school.  The week-ends didn't change the family dynamic. Natalie's mother remained in bed and her father pursued his passion for collectible cars. He attended auctions and searched neighborhood garages for hard to find parts.

Johnathon

Johnathon was the oldest of four boys and was five years...

Emily awoke on Sunday morning with one thought, “I am exhausted!”  She wanted to stay in bed but thoughts were running through her mind, the refrigerator was empty, the house was a mess, she had to review a presentation she was delivering on Monday, she needed to pick up her five year old daughter from a sleepover and take her to get fitted for her dance costume and on and on and on.

At 42, Emily had spent the last 25 years striving to be the very best and to do the very best. Her ambition was not the problem. The problem was that no matter what Emily did, no matter how she showed up, no matter the effort she made, she was not satisfied.

Emily is an accomplished professional who is the head of HR for a large non-profit. Despite her success and the appreciation her company has for her, Emily is still waiting to “make it.” Her work product is a constant worry.  Emily never feels satisfied with her quarterly reports or her workplace presentations. She...

The opposite of self-trust is self-doubt.

Biological characteristics that we are born with, such as being prone to anxiety, mix with our significant life experiences to to contribute to determining why we may be more self-doubting than trusting or the reverse!

Examples of significant life experiences that may influence the way we see ourselves and the extent to which we trust or doubt ourselves:
Frequent moving

Parents divorce,

Substance abuse in the family,

Exposure to trauma, such as sexual or physical abuse, growing up with a mentally ill parent, or experiencing homelessness, poverty, or abandonment.

or 
Certain experiences arising in connection with your race, age, economic status, sexual or gender identity, culture, religion, and so forth.

Events need not be dramatic to illicit self doubt.

Your position in a family such as being the only child not to attend college in a family of siblings with graduate degrees or being unpopular with kids at school.

The messages...