It has long been known and accepted that close relationships with others is an important component of well-being.  In contrast, “knowing oneself” and the relationship we have with ourselves has only recently been the subject of research and general knowledge.

Regarding our awareness of self-connection, nowadays, self-connection is touted on social media.  We are bombarded with images of a person holding steadily to a broad grin. But what does it really mean to be self-connected, how  does one become self-connected, and how does gaining self-connection influence feelings of well-being?  

People differ in the extent to which they tend to experience self-connection.

Self-connection is defined in the psychological research and in research on connection theory in particular as consisting of three parts:

• an awareness of oneself,
• an acceptance of oneself based on this awareness,
• and an alignment of one’s behavior with this awareness.

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We all face obstacles to living in resonance with our highest self, spirit, or most authentic self.

Obstacles Along The Path

Common obstacles along the path toward living as your most authentic self include:

• Self-Criticism,
• Acting Out of Habit,
• Fear of Being Labeled Selfish, and
• A Need for External Validation.

First, we need to notice the obstacles.

Self-inquiry

The capacity to expose unexamined beliefs, thoughts, and stories that create unnecessary suffering. Self-inquiry reveals the eternal truth of who you are, free and at peace.

Some of the obstacles I have encountered along the way have had to do with my wanting. My ambition to do everything and do it the best I can and to compare that best to other people's best can be an enormous boulder.  For many years that boulder tipped the balance of my existence more toward human doing than human being.

Canadian physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté said on a recent podcast that the...

Are you fixated upon progress, perfection, conformity and achievement?  If so, have you thought about the cost of this way life? 

• How often do you experience the feeling of truly enjoying yourself?
• Are you able to laugh at yourself like a good old friend or are you your own worst enemy, endlessly berating yourself? 
• When was the last time you stopped to admire the infinite and transitory wonders of nature?
• You have one life, are you spending it wisely?

If you have deep rooted patterns of perfectionism and other traits of the exceedingly driven, it can help to utilize a framework to foster change.  Today, I seek to open your mind to the framework of Wabi Sabi.

Wabi-Sabi is a way of living.

The Japanese cultivated “wabi-sabi;” 

“Wabi” connotes rustic simplicity, quietness or understated elegance;

“Sabi” means beauty or serenity that comes with age.

There are seven principles for achieving wabi-sabi: 

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Our authentic selves and our inner child are intertwined within us and form a powerful role in the subconscious part of our minds.

If you have been distanced from your authentic self or inner child, the wounds you carry may be deep but it is important to know that you can do the healing work to find your way home.

The deeper work of healing your inner child.

We all have an inner child.

As children, we have core needs  to be seen, to be heard, and to have the space to be and authentically express ourselves. If, as children, our needs were not met, we can be wounded and then grow to carry that wounding within ourselves. Much of the work that we do to heal our inner child is to heal the wounding that occurred as a result of unmet needs. However, the inner child is within us and calls to be recognized whether our childhood needs are met or unmet. The inner child has positive attributes as well as difficult attributes which call to be explored.

Inner child work involves...