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The Key to Experiencing Loss as an Opportunity

How do we release relationships that aren't serving us any longer?

We may never have consciously chosen to divorce or seperate.

We may never have believed our loss would lead to something positive.

Now that the loss occurred, our willingness to acknowledge any growth or resilience we've developed as a consequence of the break up is an important step in healing and forward life movement.

The Key to Experiencing Loss as an Opportunity is to give ourselves permission to experience the loss and heart ache as an opportunity.

It takes courage to experience loss and heart ache as an opportunity. Your brain will scream "NO! DON'T DO IT!" 

Our brain says seeing the positive in this loss is a dangerous move because our brain serves us by trying to protect us.  Yet holding on to the loss is not going to protect us from future loss.  It is actually offering the opposite of protecting us from future loss. It is making us experience the loss again and again in the present, where it...

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Why I Say NO to Divorce Recovery.


I want to see you well rested. I ask my clients, how are you sleeping? It's more than knowing about if they got eight hours of sleep. Their answer tells me they're making the time to get rest  that they're feeling less fearful, less confused.

It's a sign, they're gaining inner strength and clarity, that they have dreams that have become rooted in a bright future.

 Another question that is much more than a factual question that I ask my clients is what's your story. I believe in the power of narrative and that the stories we're telling ourselves have an extensive impact on our perspective and our lives.

It's so important that our stories reflect our values and our truth.  Get used to me asking, what's your story? Each module in break up to brilliance is meant as an access, not just to healing, but to growth. Break up to brilliance is more than healing wounds from the past, it's more than returning to a place.

 It isn't just about coping because coping is about...

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6 Required Conversations with Family & Friends Meddling in Your Divorce

There are 6 things you must lay down the law on with family & friends offering to star in the Drama of Your Divorce

Here, I will respectfully call family and friends by the loving acronym "F&F."

Divorce is a difficult process for everyone involved, including F&F.

However, you can not imagine how swiftly they can:

Make divorce and divorce recovery more complicated,

Make  the process even more stressful and difficult than it already is (It is possible!) and

Increase the level of conflict.


If you’re dealing with divorce meddling F&F, insist that they refrain from these activities in order to avoid the disaster.

  1. Choosing

A common method of F&F meddling in a divorce is to choose sides. School them on the inevitable consequences.

F&F who choose sides in a divorce actually:

Make the process more difficult;

Prevent or delay conflict resolution, and

Keep the couple from reaching a settlement.

Insist that you will not condone the outward...

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The Cumulative Effect of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse often equates with emotional abuse. It is difficult to find support when one is being emotionally abused by a spouse or ex-spouse, which makes the abuse even more devastating and isolating.

Why is it so hard to find support for narcissistic abuse? I have written before about the shame we may feel as victims of narcissistic abuse which makes it extremely difficult to ask for help. But there is another insidious reason that even when we have the courage to reach out for help, we may not be heard, even by the people who we are closest to.  

When we finally muster up the courage to share our experiences with a friend or family member, we relay the more recent incidents of cruelty and abuse that we have experienced.   We share with friends or family members the examples of the mistreatment not yet suppressed, and they may think none of the incidents were a big deal.

The friend or family member considers just the one or two accounts of emotional abuse...

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