Hey there. I'm excited to talk to you about inside-out and outside-in values and goals.

Our values and goals help anchor us into conflict free co-parenting and into being able to negotiate our parenting plan, as well as our differences. Co-parenting and figuring out coparenting in a way that's healthy for us and our kids is a huge goal. Obstacles are inevitable. One way to overcome obstacles is stay in touch with our values, particularly our intrinsic values. Pursuing internally rewarding, intrinsic goals, results in our ability to perform better and more persistently over time.

Our wellbeing is strongly influenced by the intrinsic values we have. Intrinsic values tap into our desire to grow and develop. Intrinsic values are freely chosen. We choose to act in line with the value rather than to act because another person expects us to. This choice gives the value so much power. Examples of intrinsic values include self-acceptance, authenticity and creativity.

Extrinsic values are follow...

Helping Your Child Adjust to Divorce

There's no doubt that a divorce can be a strain on every member of the family. Sometimes it's tough to look on the bright side and see that it can be the best choice for future happiness.

Children are usually hit the hardest by the divorce. If they're young, they may not be able to fully grasp the subject. Also, no matter what age they are, their first instinct is generally to blame themselves. The helpful news is that you can do a lot to get your child through this tough time.

Consider some of the following tips for helping your child cope with divorce:

1. Keep an open dialogue. Talk to your children about the divorce. Even if you have some pent up feelings about your ex, this doesn't mean that you should shy away from the topic with your child. The worst thing you can do is act like nothing is going on.

• Talk to your child about their fears.
• Allow them to cry if they need to do so.
• Make sure that you always have an ope
...

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT CHILDREN'S WORDS SPOKEN OUT OF ANGER

A  note I received from a mom devastated by the news that her child said he wanted to live with his dad:

I am also very concerned that my son now wants to live with his dad. He hasn’t been very nice to me .......His dad won’t talk to me and I have given up trying. That would change everything. Each day just seems to be getting worse for me. 

We discuss this hurtful situation in Module 1 of the Enlightened CoParenting Course.

Here is an excerpt from the course:

When your child throws a temper tantrum, becomes angry, and blames you for ruining their life don’t take their behavior personally.

Realize that in many instances when children blame one parent or another for the divorce occurring their blaming is a way of coping and a defense against feeling overwhelmed by the many changes they are experiencing in the course of a short period.  It is often not meant against the parent personally.

It is not easy to refr...

Hey there!
I want to answer one of my most frequently asked questions:
Is it worth it for me to learn enlightened coparenting if I am coparenting with a narcissist?

Parents with pathological narcissism tend to engage in behavior that is damaging toward the other parent and children. It is not so much the loss of contact with the child that triggers them as their experience that that person should be available to them and is  not. They experience the loss of what the child provided to them.

These are the characteristics I see in these situations.

See if you recognize any of these characteristics:
Treat child as an extension of themselves, not as a unique individual with their own needs and feelings different from the parents.

Fighting over issues big and small.

Overreaction and drama to imagined slights.

When threatened with the loss of control over their own children, they look to the child to have their own ego needs for love and approval met.

Self absorbed and unresponsive to their...

As parents, there are a few things that we all want our children to feel…

...able ✔️

...worthy ✔️

...accepted ✔️

But for parents considering, going through, or who have already divorced, sometimes it feels that your family won’t be able to emerge happy and whole.  

As a psychologist and former family law attorney, I have spent two decades working with individuals and families to help them emerge from divorce with happiness and confidence.

And now I want to give away that knowledge inside this FREE guide:

📣 Promoting Positive Self-Esteem In Children 📣

Helping parents everywhere raise happy, healthy and confident children, in this guide you will discover:

✨ How self-esteem plays a role in childhood 

✨ How their self-esteem influences their choices and relationships later in life

✨ A comprehensive strategy including 8 Steps you should take to help your child develop positive self-esteem

✨ Examples of situations and dialogue drawn from real coparenting fami...

Calling all parents!

What if you had a coparenting blueprint that helped your children emerge from divorce with confidence!?

That’s exactly what Promoting Positive Self-Esteem In Children - a FREE guide - is designed to do. 🙌

As a psychologist and former family law attorney, I have spent two decades working with individuals and families to help them emerge from divorce happy and whole.

And I am also all too familiar with the effects that negative self-esteem can have on a developing child. 

In this FREE guide, it is my mission to help parents everywhere raise happy, healthy and confident children with loving guidance. ❤️

For parents considering, going through, or who have already divorced, this guide can help you  discover:

✨ How self-esteem plays a role in childhood 

✨ How their self-esteem influences their choices and relationships later in life

✨ A comprehensive strategy including 8 Steps you should take to help your child develop positive self-esteem

Enlightened CoParenting™ emphasizes emotional connection with your child, regardless of whether or not they are with you or their coparent. No need to wait for your parenting time or a special occasion to show affection to your toddler. Maintaining that heart to heart connection with them, helps both of you through periods of separation from each other. 

This checklist offers a way to offer loving actions to your child each day, electronically or by phone when you are apart and physically when you are together.

I am joined by other psychologists and specifically developmental psychologists in suggesting these heart centered techniques.

1. Perform a simple, personalized ritual at the beginning and end of parenting times. For example: morning hug after waking up, daddy/mommy dance when child returns from time with other parent, or sing song you made up together at each bath time etc.

2. Engage in mindful conversation. Be curious about what your toddler is thinking and feeling.  Ask question...