Are you fixated upon progress, perfection, conformity and achievement?  If so, have you thought about the cost of this way life? 

• How often do you experience the feeling of truly enjoying yourself?
• Are you able to laugh at yourself like a good old friend or are you your own worst enemy, endlessly berating yourself? 
• When was the last time you stopped to admire the infinite and transitory wonders of nature?
• You have one life, are you spending it wisely?

If you have deep rooted patterns of perfectionism and other traits of the exceedingly driven, it can help to utilize a framework to foster change.  Today, I seek to open your mind to the framework of Wabi Sabi.

Wabi-Sabi is a way of living.

The Japanese cultivated “wabi-sabi;” 

“Wabi” connotes rustic simplicity, quietness or understated elegance;

“Sabi” means beauty or serenity that comes with age.

There are seven principles for achieving wabi-sabi: 

Fukinsei: asymmetry, irregularity; 
Kanso: simplicity; 
Koko: basic...

Knowing Your Attachment Style Will Increase Your Success in Dating 

Attachment forms the roots of security or insecurity in close relationships. Our feelings of security and insecurity in close relationships will influence our behavior in those relationships.

Attachment Styles: the way we perceive and respond to intimacy in relationships and the way we experience security and insecurity in relationships.

What does Attachment Theory have to do with my relationships as an adult?

Connection is a human need.

Independence is a human need.

The two distinct processes of developing intimacy and autonomy are synergistic and interdependent in normal development and throughout our lives.

The way individuals perceive closeness and separation, relatedness and self-definition, or intimacy and autonomy is a fundamental aspect of their personality and may also influence their self-definition and feelings and beliefs about self-worth. It also impacts their behavior in relationships. Further...

As humans, we all need both connection and autonomy. Balancing our needs for both is a lifelong practice. The challenge is like a tide that rises and falls.

The typical wrestling to achieve balance and the resulting lean in the direction of connection over autonomy or vice versa is distinguishable from having an extreme emphasis on either connection or autonomy. The later can leave us lonely or living a life in chaos. To avoid life at either extreme, we can engage in the daily practice of setting boundaries.

What is meant by Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves with others.

Unhealthy Boundaries are personal boundaries that are too rigid or too porous.

Rigid or Porous Boundaries

A symptom of overly porous boundaries is codependency. Codependency involves the loss of self and caring and doing for others even at the expense of self. The other boundary extreme is to have rigid boundaries, which is to be self-isolating and a...

Your Partner Won't Go to Couple's Therapy, Now What?

Your relationship is clearly the problem in your life right now. Everything would be fine if only you did not have to deal with these relationship issues. Actually, they are your partner's issues but they're getting in the way of your happy life. You told him or her you want to go to couple's therapy and they refuse to go. Now what?

I'm not saying you should give up on couple's therapy but I am saying you may be able to get help regarding the relationship, even if you go to therapy alone.

The problem's in a relationship are never just the product of one partner's behavior. It is valuable to look at both the substantive issues as well as the way you approach conflict individually and together. Knowing problems in a relationship are never solely caused by one partner, dig deeper to find out your role on the path to healing your heart.

Be true to you. You are not perfect but love yourself not just despite this but because of this. Y...

We can bring unresolved issues into our awareness so that we can heal.

Do you notice having a fear, such as a fear of abandonment, that repeatedly shows up in many different kinds of relationships?

Our fears show us places were we can gain more knowledge and understanding about ourselves.

What is Emotional Addiction?

Emotional addiction involves becoming attached to certain feeling sensations to cope with or to confirm our fears or insecurities. 

Is emotional addiction like other addictions?

Emotional addiction is like other addictions in that it involves a pattern of behavior used to react or respond to challenges or life's difficulties. Like many addictions, emotional addiction may be a coping strategy or behavior that is triggered by wanting to feel a certain way. Emotional addiction can lose it's adaptive qualities and become an unhealthy strategy for dealing with our lives and our inner and outer worlds.

What is an example of emotional addiction?

As children, we ...

Inner Child Work to Regain Authenticity

Our authentic selves and our inner child are intertwined within us and form a powerful role in the subconscious part of our minds.

If you have been distanced from your authentic self or inner child, the wounds you carry may be deep but it is important to know that you can do the healing work to find your way home.

The deeper work of healing your inner child.

We all have an inner child.

As children, we have core needs  to be seen, to be heard, and to have the space to be and authentically express ourselves. If, as children, our needs were not met, we can be wounded and then grow to carry that wounding within ourselves. Much of the work that we do to heal our inner child is to heal the wounding that occurred as a result of unmet needs. However, the inner child is within us and calls to be recognized whether our childhood needs are met or unmet. The inner child has positive attributes as well as difficult attributes which call to be ex...

3 Steps to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy

Dennis had just graduated with a degree in marketing and was looking for a job. One day he received an alert on his LinkedIn page that an up and coming toy company was looking to hire a Director of Social Media. Dennis became excited and immediately started researching the company online.  He thought the position would be perfect for him. Dennis loved and was fascinated by the toy industry. As a child, he made his own toys. Even now, Dennis can't resist walking through every toy store he passes. Dennis pulled up his resume. As he began his updates, his excitement dwindled and fizzled out. Dennis recognized the critical voice in his head telling him that he didn't have the right experience and wasn't qualified for the position. He imagined the hiring team looking at his resume and thinking it was a joke. Dennis convinced himself that he would never be hired and that applying would be a waste of time and another disappointment to recover from. ...

If we have been badly disappointed by people or circumstances in the past, we may resist forming and following through to realize our dreams.  Minimizing our goals can feel like minimizing change or future disappointment, when in reality it gives us a false sense of control over our circumstances.

That we will all experience disappointment is a fact life. That we all have purpose and potential is also a fact of life.

Inhale...take a deep cleansing breath...exhale any and all resistance....now....What do you wish for?

Make sure your wish is something that you can actually fulfill but will also find challenging.

WRITE DOWN YOUR WISH

Your wish can originate from any area of your life: professional, family, personal, relational, spiritual, health, or emotional. Don't judge just write.

Review what you have written.

ARTICULATE YOUR WISH IN 6 WORDS OR LESS

How can you articulate your wish in 6 words or less?

Write your wish down in your six or less word format. 

Say you...

Rich and Amy had been married 8 years and experienced both joy and heartache together. Amy shared that the couple's ratio of joy to heartache had changed drastically, with joy diminishing considerably, if not entirely. 

"I don't know how long it has been since I felt like I love Rich; I know that sounds terrible but I feel like I am really starting to hate him. He's my husband and the father of my children and I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it."

As Amy shared more, I heard she had resentment over Rich's controlling behavior.

It had been just over two years since the couple had their second child and picked up and moved to Phoenix from Pittsburgh. Just two years ago Amy she and Rich had a life filled with hope for what their new life in a completely different world out west would be.

Once settled into their new home, the couple decided to have a third child. The timing was good for an addition to the family because Amy was to be taking a year or two off of work with ...

Attachment Styles:

the way we perceive and respond to intimacy in relationships.

Attachment styles were first described in the psychological theory known as Attachment Theory.

What is Attachment Theory?

Attachment theory was formulated by the psychoanalyst John Bowlby.

Infant Attachment is a psychological term that refers to the emotional bond that emerges during the first year of life between an infant and one or a few significant adult caregivers.

The emotional bond between the infant and their primary caretaker contributes to the infant forming a feeling of security or trust in themselves.

Attachment by the infant is secure or insecure.

When an infant has a secure attachment  with their caregiver, the child seeks to be close to that person when they feel tense or anxious. When an infant has an insecure relationship with their primary caretaker, feeling tense or anxious leads to them avoiding the caretaker or experiencing conflict between approaching and avoiding their ca...