Minimizing Parental Seperation Anxiety While CoParenting

One circumstance that entrenches co-parents in high-conflict is when a parent has acute anxiety over the safety of their children while they are at the other coparent’s home. Many of the things I suggest relate to helping  coparents minimize uncertainty and worry.

I encourage coparents to specifically agree in writing on safety measures inside each of their homes. I do so not just to maximize the children’s safety but also to minimize conflict between parents. Safety measures should include protections to both the child’s physical and emotional health.

An example from my client Marlene. 

Marlene didn’t sleep at night when her kids stayed at their other parent’s house.  Her eight year old had mentioned that the smoke detector was beeping and that her dad took it down and threw it away. 

 Two things. Marlene was so immediately enraged and frightened that she did not stop to think about whether her child may have misunder...

I have been a divorce coach and family psychologist for over a decade.  Before that, I was a divorce lawyer. I have also gone through divorce myself.  As such, I have had a rather intimate view of what divorce entails. 

While I knew many of the effects and challenges of divorce and single parenting before I divorced, being divorced made these experiences real in a way that changed what they meant for me and brought to life many aspects that I could not have known as a divorce lawyer.

The divorce terrain is tumultuous. Knowledge of the divorce process is not enough to guide a client through divorce.  To guide someone through divorce, one must have empathy and creativity as well as being non-judgemental.  I prepare my clients both for what typically occurs and for some heart-pounding surprises. I also prepare them for the task of solving problems in new ways, leaving them with a valuable skill that they will utilize in many different contexts over their lifetimes.

The process of...

Good Decision-making During Major Life Transitions

Life transitions evoke intense emotions. This intensity of emotions can influence us to increase the pace with which we are living and the speed with which we believe we need to make decisions.

Living between the big stages or transitions, our pace for making choices reflects the quality of stability we feel in that period. Our pace is made up of a healthy rhythm of using both the rational and emotional sides of our brains.  The healthy rhythm is characterized by mindfulness and intention.

During major transitions, most of the different areas of our life are impacted. Divorce, beginning a new career, moving to a new part of the world, becoming a parent, all instances in which so many different aspects of our lives are impacted. These changes have different effects in the diverse areas of our lives.  We may experience vastly different emotions at once. This may feel exceedingly uncomfortable. It's normal to want to get out of the...

“We aren’t married anymore, why are we having the same arguments we had when we were married?”

One of the hardest tasks for separated parents is to redefine their relationship and to create new, more positive, communication patterns. Enlightened coparenting makes, what seems impossible, intuitive.

         Katherine and Niko have 2 young children, are recently divorced, trying to coparent, and need to learn how to stop fighting about parenting.  Their arguments had escalated when they came to see me for coparenting coaching. Over the course of 3 sessions we worked together through the 3 steps to communicate better as coparents.

The Story of Katherine and Niko

         Katherine and Niko had been together for 15 years and married for the last 12 years.  They have a 7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter. The previous year, Katherine decided that she no longer wanted to be married to Niko. The last 3 years had been hard for Katherine. Katherine had cared for her mother who had lu...

Enlightened Coparenting is a child centered, family centered, developmentally optimal coparenting approach. The model aims to improve the relationship between coparents, to deepen the relationship between parents and children, and to help parents begin the process of healing and improving their relationships with them selves. Adopting the enlightened coparenting method is meant to take place, when possible, before, during, and after divorce in order to increase the quality of life for your children and for you.

The Enlightened CoParenting Model is a model that takes into account that parents went into their marriage believing it would last forever.  They had children and made a commitment to offering them a healthy family in which to grow and flourish. The model is a non-judgmental effort to enable families to emerge from divorce happy and whole. Life and relationships are challenging.  Many unforeseen circumstances may arise to erode the couple relationship.  When children are involv...

Get Motivated to Move Forward after divorce with this process that shows you how staying stuck served you in the past but moving forward serves you and your deeper values in the present.

SHIFT from BEING STUCK to MOVING FORWARD In 5 Steps

Divorce.....

IT IS A TRANSITION PERIOD, which all of life kind of always is, regardless of divorce.  This is because CHANGE, being the only constant, is always directly underfoot.

THE SENSE OF the earth moving beneath our feet may never feel so speedy as it does for a person going through divorce. 

AS WE FIND OURSELVES  CONSUMED BY uncertainty, moving anywhere feels. dangerous. Staying right where we are with our feet firmly planted feels like the only option or, at the very least, the easier option. During the toughest of divorce times one extra difficulty leaves us wondering if this slight burden just might be the proverbial straw to break our back.

We stay stuck at different times in our lives because it  is, in some way, adaptive f...

Modern day family life is more complex than ever.

        Contemporary families are different in many profound ways from traditional families that existed decades ago.

Each family is unique and what works for one family is much less likely to work for another in our modern family structure. It is more important than ever for divorced parents to be able to work together cooperatively.

Families need customized solutions for their divorce and coparenting and to engage more creative problem solving to address the complex schedules, demands and problems parents and children face in these unprecedented times.

Employment

In most two parent families and, especially in coparent families, both parents work. That has become obvious but what is less realized or acted upon is that more parents have opportunities to work from home or have flexible schedules for at least part of the time. It is important to consider these options on the part of both parents and determine what will be truly a...